My 3 Secrets to Prepare A Genuine Exchange of Vows

07/03/2018

échange voeux

Here you are, you’ve made it! Everything is ready, or close to, for the wedding ceremony. You have outlined the ceremony, set out the process, picked the participants, the music tracks and everything that goes with this unique moment.

Well, you still have your vows to write. No small feat.

It’s not so much that you lack inspiration when it comes to your better half. But, like most people, you have trouble picturing yourself expressing your feelings. Let me put your mind at ease: it’s perfectly normal! We are not used to pouring our emotions in this type of grandiose declaration of love.

Though, a good preparation of this unique moment in your life is really worth your efforts. Because exchanging words that have such power on this very special day gives even more substance and value to your feelings.

Are you ready to start? Here are 3 secrets for a magical exchange of vows (in French):

 

 

Answer this essential question

“Why do I want to marry you?” This may seem odd to ask yourself that question. And yet.. it is at the foundation of every word that you will in the process of writing your vows. There are many reasons that explain why you fell in love and why you both chose each other.

The daily life of a couple is not always sunshine and butterflies. When you get married, you choose to join the other in their entirety, despite what you may see as flaws. Your beloved may have habits that do not necessarily fit yours. Different thinking process, different action process. And yet… that is the person you picture yourself growing old with. 

The sum of these points should already give you some material for your first ideas, and eventually help you find the outline that best suits you.

 

vow-exchange-couple-secular-ceremony
© Sébastien Bovy

 

Stay genuine

Let me tell you right away what my experience has taught me: the emotion that the reading of your vows will give off depends very very much on their being personalized. 

For your vows to sound “true”, the main thing to remember is to stay true to yourself. I’ve had the opportunity to suggest vows to brides and grooms and to discover so many styles of vows! A great wealth, akin to that of each story. Romantic vows, shy vows, funny vows, and, each time, vows that make everyone cry… Their strength? They were all thought up and written by the newlyweds. To their likeness, and were therefore genuine.

 

magic-words-vow-exchange-wedding-day-secular-ceremony
© Samonot Photography

 

Bye Bye Stress, Hello Happiness

I can hear your thoughts: “easier said than..”. As I tell every participant, this is, before anything else, a moment of happiness to experience. You are on the forefront to experience deep emotions that will count among the most powerful of your life. You’re not in a play. 

Can you hear your heartbeat? That’s only fair. Are you stuttering? Who wouldn’t in such an occasion? Are your eyes welling up? Be happy about it, embrace it, it means you’re truly living the moment. 

I often tell couples I coach how frustrated I am to have been overwhelmed by stress at my own wedding rather than tears. I now realize that running away from these emotions for fear of living them to their fullest simply made me miss out on them and their intensity. But emotions ARE part of these moments and they let us connect with who we are and what we want to share.

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